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An Open Letter To All Irrelevant And Annoying Ads
Weird
25 June, 2021

An Open Letter To All Irrelevant And Annoying Ads

Delphine
Delphine
Just a couple of hours ago, I almost flung my computer on the wall when "You won an iPad!" popped up as I tried downloading a movie online. 
Look, I can handle your appearance on TV at the airport, or by the side of the road. But I despise you on the internet or in my mailbox. That is pure harassment and invasion of my privacy, which you have been doing since I became old enough to browse without parental supervision. 
You know, I learned the hard way and stopped giving in to your click ploys after you brainwashed me into purchasing a pack of sex enhancement herbs I thought my partner needed. The climax is that she ended up in the ICU for anaphylaxis that almost claimed her life. So, you see, I cannot trust you anymore or want you anywhere around me since you are just after my misery. The harsh reality that I almost lost the love of my life brings me enduring guilt that time cannot take away. 
Ours is a toxic relationship where you explore my vulnerability to nag and pester me. In your manipulative mind, you can crack up my weak resolve, like a three-year-old who throws tantrums in public. I admit you were right then about your narcissistic strategy to manipulate me. Before that near-death experience from those killer pills, I yielded to your glibness without thinking it through, feeling you cared. How wrong I was! Instead, I fell for your cheap lies and stayed loyal as you battered me with your products and services. This is annoying!
Subtly but steadily, you captured my willpower for decision-making until you made me into a "robot", controlled by your colorful and enticing graphics. When I realized how much influence you have over me, I tried to end our relationship. But the harder I struggled, the niftier you became in emotionally blackmailing me. I can recall in detail how you insidiously persuaded me to add a wristwatch fit for geeks while ordering a burgundy silk scarf from a website. The truth is, I ended up spending hundreds of dollars on a piece of jewelry that I had not worn more than twice in over seven months. As it stands, scores of items, either bought impulsively or to keep up with the Joneses, occupy my basement, waiting to be rescued. For how long would they be there before being retrieved for reuse? I do not bloody know!
I am the abused one here and fed up with this entanglement. Do you care what I might need or not need? What a stupid question I asked. Even when I stopped engaging long ago by not clicking on random adverts, you are yet to stop bugging me. Deep down, I wouldn't want to tell you that I do not desire to see your lovely pants joggers promoted alongside your underwear because you would smother me with hundreds of Air Jordan collections I do not need. How can I tell you to stop spamming my email address you harvested from those random online surveys I filled. 
As slinky as a snake, your partners resorted to spying and tracking my browsing dynamics with cookies. I have seen some of your agents obsessively hop from one blog to another in other to lure people who used to be like me into visiting sites that have nothing but links to fake freebie offers. When they get sick of their spying roles, they turn to blow up computers and phones with pop-ups. They lied to you that I'm your ideal audience hence why you confidently show up on every nook and cranny of my digital life. 
Your fake virus alert (Your computer is infected! Click here to download anti-virus software) tried to play a fast one on me. How dare you redirect me to a spamming website and hide the back button? Do you think you can stop me from going back to the page I was on previously? Or you think I've no choice but to shut down my PC?
Funny, you are your worst enemy. Do you know that you also count your losses in bandwidth, bad reviews, and finances, all thanks to you? Oh wait! what's the difference between you and your brother? I mean Malware? I guess not much. Many people are clueless about this and do not realize the tragedy in their naivety until it is too late for them to escape your iron-grip menace. Denise, my neighbor's 14-year-old daughter was charged on Tuesday with identity theft and money laundering. He was too careless to engage with your brother. My aged dad's computer is malware and virus-infested from ads he cannot remember opening. Everyone, including me, is pissed with you for the unsolicited, pestering promotions. 
Can you consider identifying your target audience before shamelessly bombarding them with salesy stories? You argue that you are trying to introduce a new option to make us think of products/services we never knew we wanted. Your good intentions notwithstanding, we can tell boldly tell you that we are irritated with your relentless, pointless, heartless messages. 
Sure, you do not trust my judgment or that of any other consumer. That makes our distrust of each other mutual. If only you could have some dignity and self-respect and quit being vain, we can work out something beneficial. You claim to want my attention, but are you ready to stop spying on me and start looking for ways you can improve my life for real? Can you ditch the headlines, which, once clicked, lead to content promising a different thing? 
Until you soft-pedal on your obsession with financial gain and come clean with me, I will not be giving you any more chance to mess up with my head, relationship, family, and finances. Seeing as you are still unrelenting in courting my attention by springing out clumsy promos while I am on the internet, you leave me with no choice but to download an Adblocker to restrict your unsafe intrusion.
   From,
Your hater
Delphine
Delphine
Hire Me
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